A Bad Chapter

I have been procrastinating on this post. I really want to write about Kob's 5th birthday bash, and I also need to post pics from Ethan's 2nd birthday in December. But I know I must write this. My iPhoto is also down on my computer, so I will post a couple pics soon.

On Thanksgiving Day we found out the big news- We were pregnant with baby #3!

On December 16th we went in for an ultrasound at the local Pregnancy Center as they were training technicians to use the new ultrasound machines and needed "models". While there, they couldn't see a yolk sac, and they were concerned. (I should have been around 7 weeks.) I called my doctor, and two days later we went in to the hospital to have an ultrasound to check and see if everything was okay. The technician found not one, but two yolk sacs. No visible baby(s) yet, but my doctor was confident that my dates were probably off, and it was just too early. It was also to early, he said, to say if it would be twins or not.

With a big sigh of relief, we went on our holiday vacation to see Jason's family, and were excited to go to our appointment 4 days after we got home.

On January 7th we went into our first official doctor's appointment. Mom was watching the boys at her house, and we were all anxiously awaiting the news: one baby? or two? Jason and I were in a generally good mood as we were excited to, hopefully, accept the challenge of having twins. I teased about making sure to take off my boots before getting weighed, and we joked with the nurse. It didn't take long for the doctor to come in to do the exam (I hate that part) and then he brought in the ultrasound machine. I was on the edge of my seat (literally) as the ultrasound started and we waited to see what our future held. It was not what I expected. At all. Where there was once two yolk sacs, the amniotic sac was empty. Just a big black 'hole'. The Dr. told us that a miscarriage would take place. A miscarriage? Me? I never thought that it would happen to me.

We didn't know how long it would take. The doctor said that it could even take months for my body to realize that I was no longer pregnant. It was hard to go home and still be nauseous. Still have cravings. Still have a small, rounded belly. But no baby.

Three days later, the miscarriage started. I had no idea that a miscarriage would be so hard. Physically and Emotionally. Jason was also hit really hard. Who knew that you could be so heartbroken over a child that you never got to see, feel or hear. He was so wonderful. So was my mom, who helped with the boys and cleaned my house. And our church family, who provided meals for the week.

I really hope and pray to have more kids. And I also know that I will worry from the get-go when I do get pregnant. But God is good... and I know that I will have a lot more compassion for any other mom's who have miscarriages.

We did pick out two names for our little ones. And I am hoping to find a pretty charm bracelet to remember them. It is so helpful to know that we will meet them in heaven some day!